New Bras Ahoy! Plus Bonus Clothing Babble!

I got my figleaves shipment today, yay! Ordering clothing from the internet is always tricky business, unless you a.) are getting something pretty basic like a t-shirt or b.) you already know the item fits. So I took my chances based on the fact that everything that I bought was 90% off. I got a black bra that actually fits me really well. The beige bra I got fits a little tighter then I’d like, but as I range from size to size, I suspect it will be fine in the long run.  Albeit, I’ll need to swing by the ole Ben Franklin to see if they carry any bra extenders, as the band size is truly meant for someone a bit narrower then me. No returns for clearance items, so it’s not like I have the option to return it for a larger size. Nonetheless, I can’t complain too much as the bra was $4. I also got another swimsuit top, so I now have two. It’s a bit more, err, revealing then I was expecting, but Drew approves, so I’ll just have to be strategic in where I wear it, or something like that.

Then come the clothes! So, clothes are really tricky, especially when they’re all sized with S, M, L. One brand’s S is another’s L, it’s no good at all! Anyhow, I got a tank top and squishy pants set, both size L, which based on the sizing chart seemed like they’d work. The tank top fits me perfectly. Ideally, in fact. The pants? You could fit two of me in it (well, more like 1.5 of me, but that’d be bloodier). I might try to pawn them off on my mom, or something.

I’ve recently realised that there is a conspiracy at work, here. See, according to what I’ve read on the Internets lately, there’s apparently two basic body types, ‘apple’ shapes and ‘pear’ shapes. Apple shapes gain weight around their torso, in the abdomen and chest area. Pears tend to gain weight in the hips and butt. The conspiracy is that most women’s clothing companies seem like they’re designing clothing for pear shapes. See, when I gain weight, my proportions change completely. My butt stays the same, and my gut and chest balloon out. All of which is very complicated if you want to buy pants. Meaning that when I buy pants, they’re either low-rise (to avoid the waist issue entirely) or men’s pants (to handle my beer gut).

In any case, someone desperately needs to start designing women’s clothing like men’s dress shirts are designed. Have there be separate sizings for the waist and the hips, or separate sizings for different bust sizes. Anyhow who’s not ‘average’ in the chest knows the horror of trying to find a dress that fits when they’re all designed to fit a certain set of proportions. No good at all!

Or we could all just wear sweatpants and spandex all the time. And eat donuts. Copious amounts of donuts. Sounds like a plan!

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