By the way, if you want to waste hours of your life in a most entertaining way, this is the method I currently suggest.

I bought a new domain. Impulse buy, couldn’t help it. (http://www.ambulophilia.com, to be precise). I hate how there’s no centralized and easy to use means of finding hiking trails out there on the web, one that uses google maps and has all sorts of search options. There’s some good resources, but they tend to be more localized and not too searchable (i.e. park websites). Or there’s other resources that look like they’re superuseful but only have like 3 trails total for the state of VA. Anyhow, I’m just gonna make my own.

Then come the clothes! So, clothes are really tricky, especially when they’re all sized with S, M, L. One brand’s S is another’s L, it’s no good at all! Anyhow, I got a tank top and squishy pants set, both size L, which based on the sizing chart seemed like they’d work. The tank top fits me perfectly. Ideally, in fact. The pants? You could fit two of me in it (well, more like 1.5 of me, but that’d be bloodier). I might try to pawn them off on my mom, or something.

I’ve recently realised that there is a conspiracy at work, here. See, according to what I’ve read on the Internets lately, there’s apparently two basic body types, ‘apple’ shapes and ‘pear’ shapes. Apple shapes gain weight around their torso, in the abdomen and chest area. Pears tend to gain weight in the hips and butt. The conspiracy is that most women’s clothing companies seem like they’re designing clothing for pear shapes. See, when I gain weight, my proportions change completely. My butt stays the same, and my gut and chest balloon out. All of which is very complicated if you want to buy pants. Meaning that when I buy pants, they’re either low-rise (to avoid the waist issue entirely) or men’s pants (to handle my beer gut).

In any case, someone desperately needs to start designing women’s clothing like men’s dress shirts are designed. Have there be separate sizings for the waist and the hips, or separate sizings for different bust sizes. Anyhow who’s not ‘average’ in the chest knows the horror of trying to find a dress that fits when they’re all designed to fit a certain set of proportions. No good at all!

Or we could all just wear sweatpants and spandex all the time. And eat donuts. Copious amounts of donuts. Sounds like a plan!